Monday, December 14, 2009

American fashion is in a depression...

If you watch enough of the Beatles specials plaguing the circumference of the average person’s daily round of television channel surface, take note of what the Fab Four have never been credited for: Best dressed.



Mop tops, shaggy heads of hair, Rock n Roll that must be evil because it sends young girls into a tailspin of frenzies—but hardly if ever did anyone write, “Those classy chaps from Liverpool know how to sport the proper business attire a freshly pressed colorful tie complimenting a well fit suit jacket, any texture of style they wear it well.”



Even while recording at Abbey Road studios late into the thick fog hiding night from day, John, Paul, Ringo and George were almost never caught off fashion guard—which according to psychotherapists is a true sign of how much one cares about not only their image but the amount of passion put into the final presentation of the intended project.



Looking at their writing and producing track record, I’d say the team of Lennon and McCartney was spot on. But is it worth investing in?



One quarter of the team must still believe in it…while doing the same old nostalgia CBS This Morning interview over the weekend, Sir Paul didn’t do what most of today’s multimillionaires are spouting: I can be anyone, anytime and there’s nothing you can say about how Jimmy Buffet and Microsoft creator Bill Gates look.



Workplace dress codes have fallen off the top ten important things to remember—even bankers and insurance agents look out of place. Just because you’ve got a suit on doesn’t mean you wear it well which infects the systems connected to your place of delivery. Doctors never look good and dentists have to wear a white jacket or scrubs.

Everyone of us look like we work for a flea market.




Oh heck yes I’m guilty of fashion downsizing!

I haven’t been seen in an incredibly too tight air robbing, throat throbbing neck tie since jokingly showing up at a radio station promotion. Then again, at a different event, one of those dress down days...I felt totally out of place standing next to the Jonas Brothers who plowed their way through a powerful rainstorm and never succumbed to taking off their Italian driven shreds with well polished shoes.



Not all businesses have sold out—in Las Vegas the Beatles Revolution Lounge requires patrons to be dressed to impress. Most well respected golf clubs require a jacket and tie but in the end we still have companies that promote messages like this: Our Company's objective is to establish a business casual dress code. It’s to allow our employees to work comfortably in the workplace. Yet, we still need our employees to project a professional image for our customers, potential employees, and community visitors. Business casual dress is the standard for this dress code.



Should we blame this on Anthony Kiedis who convinced his band The Red Hot Chili Peppers to show up for work one day wearing nothing but a sock in the right place? Might Curt Cobain’s Grunge days be responsible? Adam Lambert looks totally out of place so critics bash his fashion by shoving the look back thirty years to the days of Glam Rock. I lived that period of music and he ain’t no David Bowie nor does he fall into the character of androgyny fed by the veins of Annie Lennox of the Eurythmics and Boy George of Culture Club.


Back to the company who laid out the rules for their employees: Because all casual clothing is not suitable for the office, these guidelines will help you determine what is appropriate to wear to work. Clothing that works well for the beach, yard work, dance clubs, exercise sessions, and sports contests may not be appropriate for a professional appearance at work.

Clothing that reveals too much cleavage, your back, your chest, your feet, your stomach or your underwear is not appropriate for a place of business, even in a business casual setting.

Mall stores bank on casually professional by charging big city fashion prices for the same boring off gray or brown slacks with pleats running up and down each leg. I can physically tell a difference in my radio show when these stinky feet are covered by Crocs rather than genuine leather. I know when I’m wearing white socks compared to calf grabbing cut off the blood supply colored foot protectors that resemble a grown man’s version of Grr Animals.



I’ve never been good with fashion because dressing up is fake—it doesn’t matter how much the dress or suit jack cost there’s still only one way to free your nose from an unexpected booger. We all get them and the end result is always the same. We can turn it into a three ringed circus or casually deflate the issue by honking into a tissue.



I will admit that President Obama and the First Lady are one classy couple when hitting the shaking hands and kissing baby circuit. No wonder people are sneaking into the White House to grab pictures with them—they making being dressed up unforgettably beautiful.



Wait! This just in…back to the business with the casual rules: If clothing fails to meet these standards, as determined by the employee’s supervisor and Human Resources staff, the employee will be asked not to wear the inappropriate item to work again. If the problem persists, the employee may be sent home to change clothes and will receive a verbal warning for the first offense. All other policies about personal time use will apply. Progressive disciplinary action will be applied if dress code violations continue.



I’ve only been asked to go home once: KBMY in Billings, Montana was located in a cow pasture and there should’ve been a sign that told extremely eager radio people, “Do Not Step off the Beaten Path! Ever!” I drug that stuff past the receptionist, into the tiny kitchen near the Coke machine right into an un-air-conditioned radio station control room. I literally tried to laugh it off by telling news director Mr. Tony Swear-Engine, “I was only trying to score better ratings for the winter wheat and cattle report at noon. Paul Harvey has been dying for a killer opening act like that!”



Dress codes! What will you be wearing in the new decade? How will it affect your attitude knowing that every step taken forward, backwards, to the right or left, fancy pants Depends are what’s waiting for our aging legs and backs to arrive. My luck, the pair I grab will feature a mug shot of Gene Simmons from Kiss.



arroecollins@clearchannel.com

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