It wasn’t until the new edition of Rolling Stone Magazine found its way to my mailbox that I realized we’re in the final pages of the decade. Hold it! We can’t be moving forward not until radio stations come up with a creative way to say, “We play the 70’s 80’s 90’s, 60's and today and in the next decade and and and…”
True 80’s music hasn’t been rediscovered yet! Donnie Iris with Alliah, When I’m With You from Sheriff, Gone So Long from Chilliwac, Say Hello by April Wine, Betty Davis Eyes from Kim Carnes and all the other deep rooted pieces that were nearly electronic but not British enough.
Come on now! We’re taking our ears off the most prolific decade since the 60’s the raw garage, basement and alley recordings that injured parents and forced record stores to hang signs on their door reading, “We don’t sell rap music…" We’re talking Gangsta Rap fed by the streets of a disillusioned wandering but inescapable America. We can’t be moving into a new decade until someone nominates 2 Live Crew into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame for shattering the number of times you can cuss on a song and still hear it on the radio.
What in the bleeping bleep has happened here? Its official…Y2K was extremely real…it didn’t set us back; we’ve been catapulted by the powers of light speed landing face first in the makings of 2010. Don't believe it!
How can this be? September 11th just happened yesterday! Isn’t that why I got into martial arts? We flew to Los Angeles so much that it became my destination to have a fighting chance in space. Ten years and nearly $25,000 later I couldn’t knock a box cutter off the shelf at Wal-Mart. 2nd degree black belt? No way...its off colored white.
My daughter isn’t 31! She’s hired child actors to play the part of two cute monkeys. I sure in the heck didn’t have a heart attack at 47! I swear I did it for radio ratings! No! I was trying to do some investigative reporting for 48 Hours…you know, to catch the medical world off their game plan.
Claiming that it’s 2010 is pretty much admitting that I woke up one day and my dreams were no longer walking with me.
If it’s truly 2010 then we’ve got to blame it on Bart and Homer Simpson. Those freaks aren’t aging so that mean’s neither are we! Making matters worse is Stewie on The Family Guy…as long as he’s still in diapers life is nowhere near 2010.
Mic Jagger and and Paul McCartney are still making music! Bono is pounding out powerful classics like he did when New Years day busted onto the scenes in the 80’s. We only assume super legend Steve Perry of Journey is missing in action and Steven Tyler has left Aerosmith—with VH-1 Classics and You Tube everybody’s here!
I-485 hasn’t completed its intended circle and the light rail system hasn’t touched the speedway. Kerry Collins is still our quarterback for the Panthers…they’ve only changed his jersey. Jake something is what they’re trying to market. Compare the numbers...there's got to be the same number of interceptions and sacks. The UNCC 49er’s haven’t dressed up in their football team gear yet, the Bobcats continue to fall short on the real love affair we once shared with the Hornets and what’s this I hear Pat McCrory isn’t our mayor anymore? Ha! Ha!
The only reason why radio and television commercials are screaming 2010 is because car dealers are flat out busted on a great idea since cash for clunkers. Twinkies are hotter than life itself thanks to Zombie Land, Jolt Cola and a long list of copies continue to keep college students and coworkers jacked up and punching forward.
For God’s sake my sister and I still fight! Wait! Hear that? That’s mom shouting, “Don’t make me come up there with a belt!” Oh oh here comes dad!
So put away your Sharpie and online bill pay and get off this kick that we’re headed into a brand new decade. Not until George Jetson is spotted on the horizon in his bubble sounding space vehicle with his dog Astro and boy Elroy.
Seriously…do we have any clue why it took an act of congress to make every television station go digital? I’m still getting frozen pictures and Time Warner Cable owns the 3rd child from the 7th generation after my death.
Get off that chair you’re sitting on and get into that bathroom! Look at those eyes in the mirror and tell me they’re saying, “It’s 2010.” Now step back and ask your heart. If it says, “Yes,” then that’s all the proof you need when it comes to identifying an addiction to multitasking at a job you can’t locate a future with.
I know!
Dear Mr. President…if you really want America to start moving again…buy each family a Jon Bon Jovi concert tour RV and let’s hit the road!
Keep smiling, it's 1973, 62, 55...whatever you want it to be except 2010.
Arroe Collins
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