Be it at work, home, out shopping, walking through a greenway or every Sunday morning at church, a recently released study takes the shades off those wonderful things we tend to hide in closets and reveals 90% of us are deeply affected by destructive and hurtful speech.
How can you be shocked? You’re injured everyday!
No need to reveal the words we share—we hear them so much its become part of our personally delivered message proving what I’ve always preached: The abused become the abuser.
Being positive makes you Charlie Brown with a giant “L” on your forehead.
In some circles it becomes a game to knock Willie off his power of positive thinking path. I remember two years ago when an intern worked closely behind the scenes with a group of fellow broadcasters aiming to see how badly I’d react to several creative projects coming to a unexpected crash.
If the intern had paid closer attention to the lessons I share, he would’ve quickly taken note of how I “act” in front of people. Rather than angrily “react” I created open spaces through measures of…acting.
Being a martial artist might have something to do with it…Master Harris endlessly teaches us to evaluate every situation without capitalizing on the required victory. Those nights you pass a school and the only thing you see are people pounding the stuffing out of each other are nothing more than Wii game systems that have come to life. The further you travel into the ranks of the foot, fist and way…the more you understand the fine art of studying the consequences of what happens if you elect to react in a non-positive manner.
Let’s be honest, why fight if the situation truly didn’t ask for it? By slipping one to two seconds of thought between the delivered message and your reaction…you’ve purchased ten miles of wide open space that makes you a far better leader in decision making.
Native American spirituality teaches you not to challenge the keeper of the house—until you own the business you’re nothing more than a visitor. If the boss tells you to jump, ask how high. When the boss visits your home teach him the power of respect by not putting him in situations of discomfort. If he or she tries to dominate you on the soils you manage there’s no reason to create destructive and harmful speeches…create open spaces which leaves plenty of room for you to deliver a much safer bed of roses to land in.
What a pansy? Right?
I come from a family of eight snotty nosed spoiled brats who want it all right now or else…I was born to fight. Leaving them behind at the age of eighteen might not have been the most positive move but it taught me how winning isn’t the important step—the only thing I did was injure my mother to which I live with everyday and it kills me that I let brothers and sisters do that to me.
Can families work things out? Yes! Grasping onto an agreed upon conclusion builds bridges toward a path both parties can easily walk on. I laugh a hearty four year old drive your mother crazy giggle when I think of my sister Susan’s comment, “You can’t die…I wouldn’t have anyone to fight with.”
I live two thousand miles from that bone crusher of a professional wrestler but thanks to email, Facebook, texting and everywhere you travel cell phones…family members are located in what feels like the next room away. Can we please go back to the days of covered wagons and a single donkey! Before the Pony Express became good at their game.
That’s what you call destructive and hurtful speech. The moment Susan reads those words she’ll leap onto either side of the white picket fence…she’s either going to fire off a missile of thoughts in retaliation or being the most conceited one in the family, which she admits to being…she’ll gently write, “I love it when you write about me.” But it’s taken 45 years of learning how to get along with each other to develop such a weird sense of humor.
At work…we don’t get 45 years. If I talked this way about a coworker I’d expect them to be crushed. We are the fragile handle with care generation—the human mind, body and soul are governed by workplace intimidation and leaders have turned that heart slicing weapon of mass destruction into a motivation device. Do it or leave. Bring your game or find new fame. I changed my mind ten minutes ago and forgot to tell you so we’d have something to talk about in a meeting neither of us have time for but it makes me look good.
Eliminate destructive and hurtful speech.
When you react you become what author Lou Solomon calls Barney Fife, a master of lazy language. No matter what the situation, good, bad or acceptable…we say the same thing we did yesterday. Our current mission in life requires nothing more than a lap full of dedication and loyalty geared toward gossiping and blaming other people.
That doesn’t make you a winner. When Master Harris looks out at his multitudes of black belts and orders us to live better lives by practicing the true purpose of the martial art, it comes across extremely mean and hurtful—many times I’ve wanted to bolt from class because such messages don’t sit well within the chapters I write. Then I remember one of his powerful messages about carrying stones—why go over a mountain when you can go through it one rock at a time?
In work and at play we’ve become lazy at everything we do. Karaoke is proof of that…singing in front of people in wild bars isn’t new. Nobody learns the lyrics of a song anymore so we lazily read them off a tiny screen.
Wait! I should’ve practiced the nanosecond pause……………….Karaoke is extremely fun because it builds self confidence in those who find the proper notes and don’t waste time struggling to remember lyrics.
Practice pausing before you react. Lou Solomon teaches us to eavesdrop on ourselves. Listen to how we say things. Watch what you instantly send through the email system. Be careful what you expose on Facebook…everything you share can come back and haunt you. FB friends are about as real as Harry Potter. Wait! Pause….. Get to know your FB friends like a family member and you’ll have someone new to wrestle with on Thanksgiving Day.
Lou teaches: Learn to speak from humility and not false self esteem.
Pause…..so what’s your reaction?
Steal my art…
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
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