Do you or don’t you? If you’ve send an RSVP…are you required to attend?
The most common reason given for not showing up, “I totally forgot about having a prior engagement and really felt embarrassed about saying I couldn’t do it.”
It makes showing up forty five minutes late for dinner seem tiny.
In California, being late is accepted. On the opposite shore, if you show up 30 seconds late to one of my movie premieres you aren’t getting in. Being courteous still carries weight in a world blessed with too much of a whole lot of me, me and more me.
But to go silent without placing a call, sending a text or email…not only puts your friendship on the front line of trouble but being asked to come back to a future event sits in what I call The Boa Constrictor Zone: A boa is really close to being blind…I was bit nine times by my 9 ½ foot strong as an ox monster each time I fed him. Why? Because that was the only time he saw my hand and began associating its scent with that of food.
What signals are you sending to those with invitations? Why are you spending weekends sitting at home alone with the remote control in one hand and an empty glass of red wine in the other? How did we get onto this boat?
Being invited to attend an event isn’t a luxury and shouldn’t always be expected…although my neighbors have parties every week…its not my place to assume the front door is open. I’ve earned the hall pass from the principal that states,” Maybe or maybe not but it’s highly unlikely therefore we’ll stop asking.”
Look at the number of events you’re invited to attend on Face Book—how often do you double click the ignore button then sit back and wonder why the cliques you want to be part of never reach out toward your fun loving way?
It’s difficult to be in several different places at the same time!
I’m not saying that you can’t bow out of a celebration and or gathering you RSVP’d…just don’t go silent, expecting them to understand the next time your eyeballs meet.
I took this matter to ethics, morals and good manners expert Anne Marie Sabbath who writes, “Don’t send an email or text…place a phone call to the person who offered the invitation. The best way to say I’m sorry is to send a gift.”
We live in an age of bigger people on the other line, which takes our mind off the people who really count. If I were to cruise over to Myrtle Beach to visit a radio friend of 25 years and stand him up…I would expect him to spend the next six months writing about my lack of love for humankind on Face Book.
Nobody does that anymore! We’ve elected to stop holding each other responsible for the money spent on food and drinks they said they’d help us devour. We’ve become martyrs, “It’s ok…there’s always next season. I’ll be fine. I’m sure you’ll have a much better time. Wish I could go.”
My problem is…I’ll drop the party I’m throwing and go hang out with them, Dude, if you’ve got something bigger and better…I’ve got to be part of it. I’ll leave the two Maltese and the Chinese Crested at home to take care of the guests. Besides, you don’t need someone hanging around the house blah, blah, blahing about why radio listeners tune out of commercials.
So what about that party you toss down where everybody shows up and there’s always that one in the bunch that isn’t loved so much? You completely feel guilty about inviting them into your home and nobody not even the pet boa constrictor is talking to them, so you’re forced to hang with them all dang night.
How the heck do you get out of this nightmare? A new Wii game of bowling is set to begin but you’re stuck babysitting!
Anne Marie says, “Grab your not so open friend by the hand and start introducing them to the others you’ve invited.” Holy cow…she wants you to pass the buck. Truth is, the majority of us can’t stand the idea of walking into a room filled with strangers. Once a conversation begins the one who feels unwelcome begins to break out of their shell and ends up taking everybody on in a game of Wii fitness.
I know you’re busy and busy is good but while being busy don’t take your eye off the game. Friends don’t have to be coworkers and just because you live next door to someone doesn’t mean you have to love them like a brother. Just be fair to those who offer an invitation to join them. If you’re booked you aren’t breaking anybodies heart by saying, “I’m replacing the toilet in the bathroom that day.”
And if you’re new to a group of people escaping our current world of multitasking and boss complaining…do so in the way of creating a welcome mat by making it extremely fun to meet new people. I’m always amazed at the number of couples I meet that wouldn’t have met each other if someone they called friend wouldn’t have introduced them to the soul mate that didn’t exist until that one moment in time.
Being 15 to 30 minutes late is a walk of life in California…this might explain why there are 7 million people in Los Angeles…they keep missing the plane that’ll get them out. I can’t imagine what the average person whose late would feel like if the ATM read: Your money will be located in the bottom slot in about…hmmm maybe…oh lets say…sometime this week.
What about people that talk to you only when they want something then deny it when you stop their motion of moving forward.
Stop! New subject! That’s a completely different book, movie and Star Wars series.
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
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