Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Where are we going? Are we there yet?

Caught the world premiere of Repo Men starring Jude Law and Forest Whitaker—two men hired to recover the inner makings of body parts that keep families together and those heading the household alive. Because of this company, patients needing a liver, heart, lungs, kneecap or kidney no longer wait in long lines. The cost is through the roof and there’s no room for those who bail out on their monthly payments.



Is this fantasy or reality? Will we one day walk into Wal-Mart and pick up a big toe crushed while doing flying jump kicks in Tae Kwon Do? How far are we from Rent-A-Center running ads on television that offer arms, legs and a new jaw bone? Short on cash? That’s ok! Next door is Checks-Are-Us who’ll give you the money without questions asked—just pay it back within 30 days or we’ll raise the interest rate to 90% while taking the cute dog you cuddle up to in the middle of the night.



Freaked out yet? I sure was on December 1, 1982 when Barney Clark became the first recipient of a manmade heart. I remember reading the story on KOOK in Billings, Montana and feeling proud about this incredible journey while fearing what might lie ahead. You gotta remember, this was during the day of light sabers and C3PO—was the new decade lifting us toward a George Lucas Empire that would one day strike back?



I love science! What must it be like to hold a vision that one day becomes someone’s first step or breath of a brand new beginning? It’s not their incredible gifts that I am questioning—but rather the consequences of what could happen if something so brilliant lands in the hands of Corporate America…



In Repo Men you have 90 days to pay off three installments of $600,000 or more. I get sick each time I fork out the bucks to Time Warner for cable and internet. When you’re late, they send a nice letter or two. In Repo Men…they hire Jude Law. Gulp!



The greatest thing about America is opportunity. If there’s a need, someone is going to create a business around it. Look at the Beanie Baby rush of the 90’s! If you didn’t score the Princess Di its first day out…you were forced into bankruptcy. I kept waiting for Keith Hawthorne Ford to offer, “Get 3 mint condition Beanie Babies with the purchase of a new Mustang!”



The closest we got were the mini-Beanies from McDonalds. No wonder I had a heart attack! I crammed every kid’s meal burger into my system all in the name of making sure I got every single last one of them. We waited in long lines hoping the new box would be opened. Once set free the crowds would cheer while tossing cash out like it grew on Beanie trees.



What if big business started offering body parts at prices you can afford? Would you allow them to slap a bumper sticker on our forearm that reads: Monkey Joe’s Kidneys without the stones? Heck, maybe they’ll hook up with a NASCAR driver and your new gallbladder features the number 24. You know how big business works, they’ll hit up radio stations with promotions that offer free tickets to the concert and a real New Year makeover that includes a heart and six arteries. If you buy one lung you get the other free.



Wouldn’t it be great to latch onto six seconds of the future and see how close to science fiction Repo Men is? And if it’s truly going to come true then scientists need to get to work on turning every movie into a reality such as The Hangover…no matter what happens in the end…the entire embodiment of people involved are still loving each other like nothing happened. Steven Spielberg can re-release Old Yeller…because the body parts featured in Repo Men could save a dogs life too.



And I thought cloning was a scary situation. Don’t even take me there—the movie Moon totally waxed me out on the what if factor. Seriously…how would you react if you suddenly bumped into yourself at Home Depot? Forget how Arroe-2 and Arroe-3 comb their hair or wear fancier clothes. I’d bust their tail on the way they speak, “You’re out of tune! Where’s the inflection? I didn’t say volume! I said stretch the word without making it sound like you’re delivering four different sounds. How do you expect to sell cars on the radio if you don’t speak from the tummy? Where are you going? There aren’t eight hours in the workday, you go and go and go until you can’t remember where the beginning began.”



Maybe I’m not ready for the future.



arroecollins@clearchannel.com

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