This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78-82
I always assumed it was a Montana thing to be upfront, blunt, truthful and desire filled in the art of sharing language—talking openly may hurt and or offer an option to come across as crude but in the end…if you grew an inch, was damage done or were the soils fertilized by an effort to lead rather than play the part of?
The next time your boss, coworker, family member or neighbor seeks reason to burst open a fresh can of words and points of view…challenge yourself to say nothing. Calmly control the situation by listening.
Get to the heart of the leader…
Buddhist Monk Thick Nhat Hanh was the first to introduce me to this peaceful walk through an everyday assumed in danger. If we spent more time listening, the journey might become enlightened. Where most of us get in trouble is in the words we choose to use while believing the silence leaders put between their visions is a great place to offer conversation.
Get to the heart of your leader…
Decision maker’s rarely read word for word from their handwritten notes of constructive criticism—they build foundations that enable them to spring forward. Which means more than most put personal trust in delivering a message that if unchallenged is clear to them but rarely if ever understandable to the one being given direction.
Time goes into nearly every conversation they create. Your reaction and counter action are based on the three C’s of everyday life: Count, Compare and Conquer. Employees, family and friends spend so much time counting the points collected during the process of always trying to be better than that it becomes nearly impossible to be a great listener. We’re constantly caught in an act of comparing our experiences and or reasons for doing so to everything brought to our feet and nearest fingertip then it becomes a mission to conquer without even thinking about what we’re up to in the name of developing common sense.
Getting to the heart of your leader means you’ve given them permission to enter your mind, body and soul through your ears. Teaching yourself to listen, to study their reasons and or purpose without reaction builds for you a place of peace—Thick Nhat Hahn reminds us of the protests we create while trying to be seen as well as heard…breaking it down, the true walk is a workday filled with peace not war. It’s ultimately you who must take the first step in offering peace by not starting or finishing the war.
Getting to the heart of a leader buys you a ticket to see what’s being presented. American companies love to promote—current working conditions idolize great performance by turning someone good in sales into a management figure. The 3 C’s…. Count, Compare and Conquer…whoa…nothing about people skills.
Author Lou Solomon writes that we are starved for genuine conversation—we love those moments when someone breaks through the noise and says something. Nobody moves until the heart of a great leader gives permission to other thinkers to be just as open.
In her book Say Something Real, Lou gently explains that self acceptance is infectious but extremely difficult to understand in business. Solo performers making their way to top places on totem poles are indispensable rain-makers but poorly typecast leaders.
Look what they’re facing…the 3 C’s. Count, Compare and Conquer! Your view combined with their options mixed in with cubical whisper talk about how it used to be and about life not being fair instantly injures your drive to succeed—creating a new infectious disease called lack of trust and belief.
The war begins. And all you ever truly wanted was to walk in peace.
Native American spirituality studies have taught me a valuable rule—constantly ask your feet whose house are you currently standing in. If it’s not yours…then allow your ego to be left at the door and abide by the rules of the keeper of the four walls to which you are visiting.
Speaking from the heart is an incredible performance. Nobody loves passion more than the face in the mirror. Understanding different ways to speak from the heart makes you a leader without corporate pressure. Borrowing from the lessons taught by Lou Solomon, the heart represents more than love and emotion. It’s the pulse that keeps us going, representing our quest for meaning—the kind of spirit and wisdom employees across this nation seek hourly.
Bosses focus on scripts. Employees only hear words. Bosses use expert terms. Employees hear words. I used to brag about being a perfectionist. Man it felt good to be so in love with the idea of delivering quality that it drove me fricken insane trying to be something I wasn’t…perfect. The harder I tried to do my best the more difficult it became for me to hear anything but words.
When future Broadcasters sit with me today…goal one is to get them to understand how to take scripts and expert terms and turn them into a positive energy that’s used to inspire the heart not rip it a part. It begins with listening without reaction, getting into the heart of a leader.
Real leaders have the best interest of the company, asserting great vision through a single note called speaking from the heart opens eyes. Attaining that level of performance can’t happen unless you find value in knowing how important it is to listen first, do some homework and then…wait a second…you might not have to react.
Protesting a war starts with learning how to walk in peace.
Steal my art…
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
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