I’m one of those people that has a difficult time accepting a thank you or a compliment—instantly my heart begins to communicate with the brain telling it to take cover because the system is about to be attacked by someone’s wants and needs and somewhere on the journey you’re the only person on earth that can help them.
They compliment first then hit you up…which makes me less of a nice person and more of a sucker. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…there used to be a time when being a good person put value in your presentation but because of these untrusting times everyone including church ministers and the mall store rent a cop are on the edge.
I’m going to get crushed for writing this but I’ve always assumed it was a Southern thing to offer something nice to say then seize control of the moment by tossing in an innocent, “Oh by the way.” I’ve nicknamed it the Bless your heart approach to gaining access to success. “You’re tire was flat this morning…bless your heart…hey I want.”
Before I got here in 1985, the life and style was nothing more but a farmers brand on the backside of my Montana hide. Pacific North Westerners are a unique breed in the way of speaking clean…not a single slice of buttering up is available…just say it! I can’t imagine Dad the former military leader killing me softly with his song before slamming my day into an afternoon blessed with straightening up the garage.
An email from a friend sparked this conversation into play—in an age where you can’t trust anyone in a big box store parking lot, they were spotted taking trash to its rightful place in a large can near the door. The stranger walks up to them and says, “Thank you for doing that. Most people would toss it to the ground.”
The earth friendly friend didn’t know how to accept the news. Do you smile and keep walking? Do you wait to hear what they really want? A buck or ten? A free ride to an assumed car that’s broken down? Who takes the time to thank another person for putting trash in its rightful place?
People who want to make a difference.
It’s kind of like that Coke commercial where one person’s good deed leads to another then another and by the time they reach the end of the block a good deed is given back to them.
I trust no one…not even my dentist who sat with her assistant in the extremely tiny teeth cleaning room and tried to explain to me that further work needed to be performed. I’m not a fan of anyone in the medical field—their only mission in life is to pull off a car mechanics approach to scoring a career…everyday they think of newer ways to rip off clients. What the average person doesn’t know becomes their gain…dentist’s and doctors make up for it with a heavily touted educational background that makes the consumer feel stupid, so we fold and they score the bucks.
What? I didn’t suck up first!
They needed my name on the dotted line and I asked twice for more time to think about what they were wanting to do. Like a great sales team they wouldn’t back down until I stood up and boldly said, “You are freaking me out! You’ve trapped me in a tiny room and filled me up with too much information. I need to do some homework.”
I want the man who thanks me for throwing trash away!
Wait…stop! Take three steps back. How would I truly react if someone approached me that I didn’t know? It’s only natural for me to whip out my martial arts always on alert attitude—we’d probably have a John Wayne meets Alec Baldwin stare down…grunt like two cavemen on a Geico commercial then walk away feeling like we’ve both been invaded.
What? I’m not a jerk! Its how we’ve evolved. I’m guilty of the what’s this have to do with me theory that has been scientifically designed by slow approaching scalpers at professional sporting events that will do whatever it takes to make up for their possible losses.
If my Master in martial arts were to call me right now and gently say, “Let’s talk after class.” I’d spend the next twelve hours focused on nothing more than someone wanting to rip me off. This horrible attitude totally shatters rule number seven in the ten articles of student commitment, ten simple to live by commands that have survived two thousand years of constant change: establish trust between teacher and student.
Making matters worse…I couldn’t take the life of the brown tick I found firmly attached to the blood supply. I played with him for fifteen minutes then took him outside to the nearest bush. Trust confusion. I’ll set free something that was making very ill but if the man who offers thanks to those throwing away trash comes by or the dentist who wants to make my smile last longer than a Carolina sunset I’m quick to bite.
Now I feel like a snake.
What do others feel when I offer a compliment? I tell interns all the time how brilliant they are…do they believe me? Are they thinking…he wants more free time? I swear I’m not that way…never nice before a request. If something is required you gotta get it without creating a fake high because it feels like hell when its being done to you so why teach the fine art of abuse to an up and comer?
Confused? Or…are you one of them? Maybe it’s time to start thanking trash picker-uppers more often. If enough of us convince the masses we truly aren’t wanting something in return…trust might actually bloom this spring. Until then…you’re up to something and I’m silently watching you like the wolf I am.
arroecollins@clearchannel.com the jerk but ok with it until there’s change.
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