Monday, September 13, 2010

Endless amounts of energy...

This isn’t a commercial, an endorsement and or anything that resembles a big voiced announcer screaming through two radio speakers in the way that convinces you to buy something that could make your life better only to follow all that energy with a faster than a fuzzy bunny, “See dealer for details…”

Last weekend, a joke, because I do weird things but mainly because we recently lost a very good friend to cervical cancer and a major chunk of the cash taken in is donated to the continued awareness and prevention…I purchased one of those highly touted every sports figure on earth from Shaquille to David Beckham supports it…Power Balance bracelets.

I’m such a sucker for items that push punch and drag their images onto convenience store shelves bragging about how they’ve been specially designed to tork your performance to unheard of levels. I point and laugh at many of the tiny plastic bottles promising double the poof while swigging down the tallest of tall cold cans that are more expensive than a beer buzz.

How on earth could a white bracelet made of rubberized substances that stretch but don’t break convince the system to bang bang boomerang for its buck? More importantly, how can a featured hologram mysteriously work with your balance? I’ve been all over the web trying to sink this vivid imagination into the who, what, why and where’s of this toy. It is a toy right? Can an item based on Eastern spiritual beliefs truly develop strength? Yeah right…ha ha ha ha right?

I’ve laughed for a week…quickly covering my left arm, as if to hide my willingness to believe. Then my first weekend with it attached to the frame came into play—a late night performance Friday followed by an over the edge extremely full Saturday and Sunday. No trip, no stumble, gallons of coffee not in use or power drinks that make you pee and pee…a stupid bracelet kept me going. 72 hours in the average weekend…I’ve had only three hours sleep.

When you do a morning radio show sleep is the absolute most important tool in the handbook of rules. Finally at 1:15 this morning I took the bracelet off and out I went for 45 minutes. Had to get up…show time comes all too fast.

Magnets right? The holograms are magnets…its nifty cool plastic sugar laced with caffeine. No steroids…trust me, my biceps resemble dead snakes along the highway…if it was steroids I’d be hired by the Chicago Cubs and told to hit balls over the wall.

The Los Angeles Lakers aren’t embarrassed to say The Power Balance bracelet gained them access to being labeled NBA’s current kings of the court. I wouldn’t be surprised if some scientist from Florida came out and said Hurricane Igor who’s currently dancing in the Atlantic Ocean is wearing one.

If Stepfather Joe was in town he’d bean me in the head for believing in something so odd ball crazy, “You nut! It’s mind over matter! Once that noodle is convinced that it has a new best friend the end result is a positive influence.”

My wife is a brilliant racquet ball player…I won two matches yesterday; had the bracelet on. While driving through town I wasn’t forced to stop at twelve consecutive traffic lights. The radio station played five of my all time favorite songs back to back. When visiting a fast food eatery the person behind the counter smiled. Holy cow this is serious stuff!

Maybe President Obama should wrap a Power Balance chunk of bling around the economy—I give the nation a week and we’ll all be working for major corporations that take the time to invest in their employees and not just their personal journey’s. Slam a couple of these puppies around your cars wheels, gas mileage might increase to 100 mpg. Give them to your teens! They’ll stop texting to the person sitting next to them and start taking out the trash while spending valuable time making their beds and keeping their rooms clean.

OMG!

The only missing from this perfect day is chocolate. Where’s the chocolate? What kind of a bracelet is this? There can be no balance in any day if chocolate isn’t part of the game. Gold is $5,000 an ounce…chocolate is priceless. World leaders drop their arms when offered chocolate. Bosses tell a good joke before racing back into their custom built offices. Chocolate makes the world spin in the right direction! Without it we’d be fixtures in space dodging space shuttle dust.

Its Monday…we need chocolate! Wrap that around your wrist and tell me how many hours of sleep you get. Do you think if I unwrap the tiny hologram in this Power Balance bracelet a hunk of chocolate will greet me with a giant sweet as can be chocolate smile?

Happy Monday! As you make your way through another workday sipping or sucking down whatever keeps you moving forward keep one powerful thought in your heart and soul…every second of sleep you miss can never be gotten back. There’s no human on earth that’s ever caught up to the crazy amount of sleep we’re losing chasing dreams.

Whatever your fuel…never stop listening to your body. There’s no such thing as a remedy for energy. The end result of every legal rush is an addiction to take your body a little bit further reaching farther than normal expectations and then the body shuts down without a care in the world.

Stepfather Joe would thump the thinker melon and remind me, “They don’t sell pre-owned bodies at Wal-Mart. Don’t make me take this foot and lift your tail above your shoulders. Bet your friends won't like that energy bracelet…”

I’m such a dork!

arroecollins@clearchannel.com

No comments:

Post a Comment