When did Gaffney move to South Carolina?
I immediately woke up this morning, swiftly sitting up straight, hit the rewind on the DVR and played it over and over; the newscaster had some how pushed hard enough through the world I keep and penetrated the strings controlling the brain. A quarter century in the 24th largest radio market and never once did it occur to me that the world’s most famous peach water tower is comfortably positioned in Gaffney, South Carolina.
Guess I’m guilty of the there, their, they’re disease. Not to be confused with the read/read syndrome when you stop thinking about if you’ve read a book or you’re set to read one. We just do to do and in doing we don’t have to think too hard about doing.
We travel so much between the Carolina’s that each city’s whereabouts no longer seem important. I rarely hear someone say, “I’m headed to Charleston, South Carolina.” It’s just Charleston, Myrtle Beach, Columbia, Boone or Asheville.
Isn’t that why they’re called the Carolina Panthers? It was Mr. Richardson’s way of saying, “This isn’t Charlotte’s NFL team nor does it belong solely to North Carolina. We are the Carolina Panthers!”
I totally get that…sharing is the first lesson taught in life. Until you’re gifted with a wild sister two years younger and the thought of lightly tossing the ball toward the evil being the parental figures introduced becomes a full fledged knock down battle in the center of the living room floor usually followed by a solid, “Mom!”
What happens if I don’t want to share Gaffney with South Carolina? It’s on I-85 which moves through my town and state therefore through association it is what it is…Gaffney, North Carolina.
This is where the confusion comes in…it took the longest time for me to figure out Gastonia wasn’t part of our southern sister. I figured if you’re traveling south, somewhere along the trail you crossed the boarder. We do it at Carowinds! North side, South side! Billions of pictures have been taken of visitors to the park who find it fascinating to be in two different states at the same time.
I guess this explains why I keep getting speeding tickets cruising into Gaffney. The entire planet knows the South Carolina Highway Patrol is a group of happy people willing and able to hand rule breakers a pocket emptying reminder of how serious they are about traffic safety.
At 4:30 this morning, the generator wasn’t computing, these lion colored eyes lit up the bedroom like the lighthouse on Cape Hatteras trying to figure out how an entire city could pack their bags and move to a completely different region.
Then I got to thinking, “Why aren’t entire communities doing that?”
They’re always switching teams in the pro leagues! I couldn’t tell you the last team Michael Jordon played with. I just know he’s 100% Chicago Bulls! Then again, he did play baseball for a summer, he managed the Wizards and I think he played and now he owns the Bobcats. For all I know he’s the Mayor of Gaffney, North Carolina!
In a perfect world it would be nice to drop the state by state identity; Cheyenne is Cheyenne and Love Valley is…is…I think near Statesville, North Carolina. I’m defeating my own purpose!
My sister lives near California, Maryland. I thought We the People stood proud on the thought of being original. The most common name for a town in America is Riverside. It’s being used in 46 of the 50 states; followed by Centerville, Fairview and Franklyn. Sorry Gastonia…the folks out west just don’t get it but the dude on 60 Minutes last night referred to your city as a place to locate football players.
City names are like human names; they have to be attached to a person place or thing or they mean nothing. My bosses name is Nick. If I run outside screaming his name 4.5 billion Nick’s might come running. I once had a dog named Nick. I refuse to let my boss lick my face and I’m not going to scratch his fuzzy tummy.
I about passed out when the makers of the Twilight series officially declared one of their characters to be called Aro. I wanted to stand up and protest, “That’s my name! Get your own!” But fifteen Roberts, Cindy’s and one Juniqua Lynn would stand up and order me to bite it like a vampire.
As you can tell…I’m a little upset that Gaffney isn’t part of the North Carolina family. Wish I could blame it on GPS, Droid, Iphone and the farmer at the market who told me to cross two sets of tracks and then take a right at the stop sign, go two miles until I see a bald headed chicken then make a U turn.
I just assumed…which has made an ass out of you and me. I’ve never understood that terminology except to say I don’t have to blame myself first. Obviously “assume” is a man created word. But what state is it located? Let’s look under confusion.
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
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