Some say they are while most say, “No way!” Those that do claim they are while very few have no clue. Being a good listener is an incredible tool to carry but being effective in the art of listening will be the handle that’ll never break.
Effective listening is taking the subject at hand and not interrupting those speaking. It’s being content to listen to the entire thought without impatiently searching for an out.
Wow! Sounds like the speech received from the morning show television producer, “Arroe…you’re missing out on the best questions because you’re too focused on the things you wanted to ask; effectively listening scores incredible answers from those being interviewed. Not only that but you need to wear more red…everybody wears red in television!”
Sadly the truth about listening requires you to become a full time babysitter without pay. Having sympathy gives off the scent of compassion and understanding but having control of empathy turns you into a better leader.
In an age of overworked multitasking please get me through this day attitude; a lack of listening on the coworker front has made being at work a true to life game of survival. It’s you against them with no real payoff in the end…
An act of listening is no different than a martial artist handing his notes over to a student from a different school. Now tell me why you can’t win even a bronze metal at the Tae Kwon Do tournament. Listening requires you to participate, meaning you’ve been trusted to hold onto their chapters; in return you’ve got to give up a secret. Like any marriage, it can always come back and bite you.
Effective listening keeps both parties in line without having to become the Hatfield’s and McCoy’s. The moment you stop treating communications like a verbal race…time allows common sense to create enough gaps to plant seeds that’ll quickly grow. Another words, take turns listening to each other without playing the oh yeah I’m better than you game.
When you slow down your responses you become a more peaceful person. The pressure of having to shoot back a response is gone. When you seriously think about it, having a conversation requires a great deal of energy. From cell phones to texting to physical words any act of thought exchanging takes from the pool of energy which is often replaced with chocolate, power drinks, ten cups of coffee, hitting the web and or anything else that can easily become addictive.
Teach yourself the difference between empathy and sympathy. Gain control of the time spent talking about nothing. Locate the reasons why you can’t find the time to listen yet you expect others to pay close attention to your presence and performance. Social media has allowed us to toss out everything we’ve got which allows the receiver to blurt back through writing which means there isn’t any eye to eye contact and or body language blessed with the true inflection required to better understand the message shared.
I confess, I’m not a good listener! The only excuse I hold is a thirty two year radio career that has me on this side of the microphone and you somewhere out there. Thanks to social media on air talent finally have the opportunity to hear from you which makes being an effective listener easier to achieve.
This is where my closest friends will tell you, “Yeah if you can get what you need to say said inside a single paragraph…anything more he won’t read it.” Busted!
That’s called the failure of being a radio disc jockey where artists give us only seven seconds to share a single thought over the songs intro and it better include the weather, a big sale at Wal-Mart, the artists history, the call letters of the station and lets toss in a point between the numbers because it adds rhythm.
Having excuses make me a horrible listener. Would I ever listen to my own radio show? Ouch!
Being an effective listener makes you a more patient person, it enhances the quality of your relationship. I’ve yet to meet the human who doesn’t love having someone they call friend near them…how truly close are you to those you keep next to your heart?
A great book to read is Don't Sweat the Small Stuff from Dr. Richard Carlson. No listening required...just reading.
I will always believe in you first…
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
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