Friends and family, the neighborhood and career…no matter where you travel you’ll never be able to please all the people all the time; a tough thing to face in world where being accepted means keeping up with the Jones’.
I grew up with a kid named Neil who never felt the need to waste tremendous amounts of energy trying to win a popularity contest. His motto, “The best don’t mess.”
Within the grounds that made up Optimist Park, being the best didn’t mean having the fastest Schwinn ten speed bike or the most decorated Levi jacket featuring rock band patches from Kiss, AC/DC, Led Zep and Marshall Tucker. In Neil’s world, the best was all about having the right attitude.
High school and middle schools try to teach the fine art of sharing a proper attitude but its long forgotten in the chapters that make up a lifelong career connecting to what’s left of the family life.
Praise and blame control the atmosphere between the Christmases’. Approval ratings skyrocket during times of giving but quickly evaporate the moment your eyes lock onto the intended gift.
According to Dr. Richard Carlson; not one person shares the same evaluation of life. Ideas rarely match which invites tremendous amounts of struggle. Without a doubt we get angry, hurt and frustrated with the way others treat us.
The invisible dilemma is: you will never win the approval of everyone you meet. The very second you accept it the easier life becomes. Stand ten feet from the perfect family and every child looking up at their parents seeks one thing; approval. Why does the preacher’s kid always make the biggest mistakes?
The other day a client made it a point to clearly state, “I don’t want Arroe’s voice on my commercial.” Thirty years ago I would’ve been crushed. Stealing from the wisdom of Julia Cameron; when you display your art you learn to ignore criticism.
Your daily goal should be to say, “That’s perfectly fine…what voice would you like instead?” Within in seconds the situation became a success story.
Praise and blame affects everything. Your dogs, cats and the birds you feed on cold winter days. Nothing shatters my soul faster than an unexpected glance from my Chinese Crested Sophia that feels I’m giving Sami more attention than her.
A massively successful client sits across from me this past Tuesday, from out of nowhere he wants to know how I turn every bad situation in something extremely positive. Everyday he faces employees that don’t want to work, managers that fail to lead and sales that can’t be predicted which creates even more depression and doubt.
Borrowing from Oprah’s self touted book The Secret; I proudly said, “Know what your product is doing to the people that count. You have a business that requires two destinations…a company that creates a product and a buyer that believes owning the product would make their life better. When you put focus on how your presence has the ability to change peoples lives, the journey becomes inner peace.
The author of a book pours their soul into the pages, fighting everyday with editors and printers never realizing the reader will never know of their struggles and yet what was written helped heal a wound or brought a smile to a cloudy day.
I love watching employees behind a cash register; they are the true stars of retail success. How you are greeted and treated can determine if you’re coming back. It doesn’t matter how much money you save on a flat screen TV or pair of shoes…if the process of taking your cash isn’t a good one, your spirit is shot to hell. I get a high off buying things. Imagine going to a kegger and the man putting it on is a buzz kill. Where’s the fun in celebrating if the team that keeps winning is filled with ego driven maniacs?
It’s completely natural to demand approval over disapproval. Nothing crushes a workday faster than a boss that lazily forgets to praise and when they do you feel like they’ve just attended a John C Maxwell convention and it’s too late to help heal what’s already been done.
Jokingly I’ve always said it’s a Southern Tradition to complement first then go for the kill, “I love the way you put yourself into the end result. Nobody does it better. Hey the client said it sucks, we need someone else to lead the dream team.”
You can only believe it once before you begin to take cover each time a coworker comes near your cubical. I’d say stop complimenting but for God’s sake it’s the only praise most people get in a years time.
Try something new…stop reacting or if you feel the need to express do so with a positive outlook. A radio station wants me to cut a commercial for them in Wisconsin the name of the business is Mueller. How would you say it? A revision is time, time isn’t always openly available. Now toss in Scholfield. How do you say it? Instantly most would shoot back a faceless email that exclaims, “Get your stuff together!”
Very calmly I called the physical business to hear them say it, “Miller in Skoa-field.” No feelings hurt.
That doesn’t mean I don’t fall off the wagon. I feel like hell when it does then quickly begin taking handwritten notes on how I can better the situation during future confrontations.
The age old Momma knows best trick of counting to ten before reacting is too far in the past to bring up during times of blame. Social networking has made us punk kids with smart out of control mouths never realizing how being open on the web has turned us into the same character face to face. Shots are being fired without somebody being held accountable. Our choice is to blame.
Something for you to resolute…try a newer way to walk while inviting peace into your personal gain: understand the rules of praise and blame.
I will always believe in you first…
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
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