Took in the Natalie Portman film Black Swan; depending on which critic you read determines the distance of your personal likes and dislikes about a ballet dancer completely consumed by the importance of taking inner passion and feeding it an over dose of self driven addiction trimmed down to belief.
Hardcore performance flicks comfort me; anyone who’s sold their soul to an act of performance walks an extremely lonely path because no one knows of the way you’ve walked, not even those that stand close because just like the movie, being open with you’re your emotions takes on the shape of a weapon and at any moment it can be turned against you. Sadly, it’s usually thy self against self.
Being critical is the assumed accepted treatment. Everybody’s on a mission and to get where we need to be requires a firm push from parents to bosses, coworkers and friends; no day is lived without there being somebody pushing. But that doesn’t make it right.
According to Dr. Richard Carlson people who stand on the receiving end of our criticism are in fact looking at the image of the deliverer sending a message to them self. It’s almost like the Martial Arts Way; the best instructors are truly the greatest students. There were many classes that I’d sit on the outside of the study area doing nothing more than watching feet pivot, fists aim to high, blocks not properly protecting. Seeing another student not follow direction taught me how to be even more critical of myself.
Dr. Carlson writes, “Being critical gets you nowhere. It does no good. Being critical solves nothing, it contributes to anger and distrust.”
Natalie Portman’s character in Black Swan was completely surrounded by several levels of criticism from the chorographer lashing out against her unwillingness to let go to an over protective stage mother to other dancers that bled with jealousy and any criticism they did offer fell flat of being truly taken in.
Julia Cameron teaches us to display our art to learn how to ignore criticism and yet it was an art show in New Orleans that silenced my paint brush. Physically grasping onto the presence of criticism is like touching a hot electric wire; there’s no guarantee you’ll make it to the opposite side feeling bright, beautiful and ordinary.
The Dr reminds us that criticism is like swearing, it’s nothing more than a bad habit. It’s too easy to get used to doing and just like a classic curse fest nothing keeps us from displaying the emotion in public. How often do you criticize yourself or others never realizing that an entire army of witnesses are paying close attention?
At times Black Swan was like looking into my radio mirror; I live, breathe and sell out for this stage and when things don’t move the way I dreamed the push becomes stronger encouraging damage to take its un-rightful place in the chapters I keep. In recent years I’ve been able to take the negatives invited and turn them into books now published, a canvas on an expected collectors wall and music that’s written and produced in a real studio and not onto a cassette tape tossed into a box then hidden in an attic for a future date with the change of life.
And that’s exactly how Dr. Carlson tries to explain how to handle our addiction to letting criticism fly like a bright red cardinal on a spring sun filled day in Carolina. Observe what you are doing to yourself and others by figuring out a way to unlock your partnership with the emotion.
I will not aircheck or critique an up and coming radio announcer. They arrive with sound in their hands and want me to listen; to which I quickly reply, “Welcome to the first step of your brand new beginning…only you have the right to compare; I wasn’t with you during the growing process therefore I don’t have the right to criticize. I can only take what I hear today and make you better for tomorrow.”
When you criticize you are shaming, deflating as well as attacking. In recent months I’ve learned to study my body language while being criticized; the chair is pushed back into the corner while leaning really hard on my left arm as if to create more pain than what’s being delivered.
What do you do? Bite the inner first layer of your mouth and lip? Do you quickly rush to the coffee pot to get high off caffeine? Chocolate? Fast food is an incredible rush.
Thick Nhat Hahn a Buddhist Monk puts value in his teachings when sharing, “If you are introduced to someone who is careless with their emotions bring no judgment or criticism against them for you will have done nothing but join their life and style. Accept that they are having a bad day and wish them a much better time.”
According to Dr. Richard Carlson people who stand on the receiving end of our criticism are in fact looking at the image of the deliverer sending a message to them self.
Be aware of who and what you criticize. Once it takes place look at yourself in the rearview mirror and softly ask, “What’s going on with me that would invite all that?”
I will always believe in you first…
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
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