Friday, October 28, 2011

Happy! Have an incredible... What can we get away with?

Growing up in an open door Baptist Church in south central Montana came with only one rule: do everything you can to get people in the seats on Sunday. That meant wacky marketing! The most memorable was a goldfish eating peer pressure contest where the class leader vowed to down the innocent fins of a water creature if his class didn’t increase by ten by month’s end.

Being a lover of all living things including wild weeds that grow between the cracks in the driveway; little Arroe hit the road like a Girl Scout hawking cookies. I sold the message of that church before long haired ministering became cool. For it; the goldfish survived another eight years in the nice warm larger than life 50 gallon comforts of my stepfather’s living room.

I don’t think the church would survive the constant commands of today’s political correctness. Although Pastor White meant well…the healing methods of sharing the word would quickly come under attack by other makers of visions and decisions.

Which is why it’s so difficult to talk about Halloween, Christmas, July 4th and Columbus Day; in reality the Dude that guaranteed his queen something special didn’t discover anything! I did read that his shipmates carried with them several Chinese Crested dogs whose body temperature is always 104 degrees. But they ate them at the end of the journey. No wonder they earn ugliest dog of the year contests all the time! Humans won’t eat ugly things!

My neighbor Betty discovered a copperhead snake colony over the summer…I’m thinking she should get something for potentially saving the life of multiple dogs and cats that might have nosed their way into a situation they couldn’t get out of.

I find Christmas to be an incredible subject to discuss because I celebrate it every day. Yeah, now locate someone who thinks the same. Like birthdays…Native American studies showcase a day of celebration not for the one born on that day but for the mother who gave life to; which is why you always hear me say, “Call your mother!”

Halloween seems to be losing strength. Although adults party like rock stars those holding the reins of the future are kept in locked cars. The best part about being a kid was once a year we were given permission to stay up late while walking way, way, way outside the parental boarders of protection to collect candy from strangers.

What in God’s name were Mom and Dad thinking? It wasn’t a different world there was just less social media to get the word out.

I totally grasp the lawmaker’s introduction of making Halloween the final Saturday of every October; fewer drunk drivers and the economy is given one last push before the bigger more marketed holiday’s steal what little cash is left. Yet…October 31st is the Christmas of the sugar rush world. To take it away is like having to reinvent the classroom globe.

“Mrs. Smith what is the Soviet Union? Why does it say East Germany?”

How foolish of me to think this way—Google Map is always up to date you freak!

Attending public school it was never discussed why some did or didn’t or why others stayed away on Thanksgiving lunch day. I’d say a little prayer hoping all was ok. Today, I’d be tossed into the councilor’s office and reprimanded for publically bowing my head. No judgment! To get along is my song.

To be is to be to not to be doesn’t mean take someone on. Just be because being is what makes you unique. I feel sorry for the talking Elmo’s on the shelf at Wal-Mart; nobody wants to be the last one picked even if the red fur is a little green. It happens when you’re best friend is Kermit!

No matter what day you’ve decided to pull off a celebration this weekend; be it to spook or cheer on the Carolina Panthers…if there’s one thing we’ve learned from college sports fans Ohio State and the Florida Gators might seem like bitter creatures on the open fields of play but in the end we’re still part of this thing called the U.S.A.

Now I’ve offended blog readers in Canada and Latvia! My South Korean collectors of thought are tossing their Ipads in the trash. How dare I do that to passers of time in India, Slovenia, the Netherlands, Russia, Germany and according to the latest stats 260 Denmark-ian’s. Is that a word? If you’re from North or South Carolina you’re Carolinians but being from Montana they’d trip me in the mall for saying Montanian.

Happy! Day! Goooooooo world!

Wow! If I had bigger teeth you’d think I was the perfectly pitched up positively driven lost brother of the Osmond family.

Ho hum…Merry Halloween everyone!

arroecollins@clearchannel.com

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