The four sturdy corners that make up the fingerprint stained mirrored covered walls that keep the roof above our heads in Tae Kwon Do are slipping from sight...like all things associated with a journey, change is the natural progression of continued success.
Slowly I walked through the presented place of study last evening gathering memories I had hidden away for those times of struggle when quitting lit the minds light more than reaching the invisible line that constantly congratulates you even when your best front kick was ranked 400th on a list of I can do this.
The large metal and glass front door where everyday I touched my heart while entering—a way of showing respect, bowing to the keeper of the temple…a simple gesture to remind me to leave my ego there while looking forward into the miles of open space for the journey to pick up a few extra bars of harmony to add to a song only I could hear.
The chest high counter where I stood countless times determining the distance between martial arts expectations and a body that was quickly falling into the ranks of middle aged; I continue to hold the memory of stopping at the desk the night I was having a heart attack staring at the giant letters that read MAU…I didn’t see a challenge to kick, hit or block but rather the underlying tone of the greatest lesson taught is to constantly remember our motto, “Winning is a choice.”
Standing alone in the locker room, the water bottle that had been with me through each black belt test and the arrival of my 3rd degree prep classes was placed in a bag for that one day moment when I'd hear the calling to step out and forward leading this mind body and soul into and onto the next level of learning—junk in another’s eyes, a tool that kept me cool during some of the most brutal hours on a martial artists day of celebration.
I listened to others speak of their personal journeys while strolling through the original dojang (place of study) The paintings on the walls were brought to life by past students and each who arrived to learn how to grow stronger took with them the roots of what it’s like to build from within into a world each of us has the ability to constantly change.
The Black Belt wall…one in a hundred make it, one in a thousand walk the path leading them higher, each rank becoming an unfound needle in a haystack we assume exists. The eyes and challenged faces of those who traveled before and during with me may be gone but their name remains and it’s that shadow that forever holds the energy that guides the white belt to yellow, green and so on.
This week has been extremely difficult, letting go of the physical evidence of each memory gives purpose to the story behind the song The Green Green Grass of Home: Then I awake and look around me, at the four grey walls that surround me and I realize that I was only dreaming. For there's a guard and there's a sad old padre - arm in arm we'll walk at daybreak. Again I touch the green, green grass of home. Yes, they'll all come to see me in the shade of that old oak tree as they lay me neath the green, green grass of home.
Leaving last night I didn’t turn back…there weren’t any sports fanatic tears or Casey Kasum promising a long distance dedication; what I carried was the knowledge of knowing my final class inside those four walls with fingerprint stained mirrors that keep the roof above our heads were now part of the mental envelope labeled change. I poured so much sweat into that floor last night it’s a wonder the weather guys didn’t send out emergency signals on TV warning people of a flash flood.
The final class had to be my best…or I wasn’t walking a Black Belt path.
Grabbing my ego impatiently waiting by the door, we walked forward knowing that tomorrow would present it self all too quickly…starting Monday...a new school.
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
No comments:
Post a Comment