Hiccups…what on earth are they and why does such an energy buster come with two “C’s” and not just one. Because a hiccup's real name is hic cough: A contraction in the diaphragm that repeats several times a minute. It takes place when an abrupt rush of air rushes into your lungs causing the epiglottis to close.
This could be the reason mom always told us to breathe with our mouth shut. Forget about swiping flies from mid-flight, she didn’t want to lie in bed all night listening to her kids hiccup every three point six seconds.
Inside the ranks of medicine hiccups are called synchronous diaphragmatic flutter.
Wow! This explains why doctors carry big egos and force their customers to fork out twenty dollar co-pays…the giant words they use when describing something so simple require thick dictionaries and bifocals rounded on the edges like Harry Potter. They pay by the letter!
So what’s the best cure for those irritating jolts? The big wigs with white coats and stethoscopes claim we need not waste their time; in most cases the hicky goops conclude simply by forgetting about them. No way! First you have to feel embarrassed and then you laugh like kids before holding your breath until you become blue...and all we had to do was act like an adult and ignore them?
However, there are a number of unreliable treatments for casual cases of hiccups. Home remedies include fright or shock, a paper bag or drinking water…I’ve even heard upside down. Yeah right, try telling that to the humungous honker above my upper lip, “Dude, you’re gonna get wet…try not to breathe or hiccup while the water is being dumped into the body. David Hasseloff wasn’t a real lifeguard and Pamela Lee Anderson doesn’t have time in her day to save lives."
What about hiccups that hurt? Does that signal something worth looking into? When you suddenly jerk the body is put on alert. The first one though comes with no warning. Muscle injuries are extremely common while hiccupping. Here I thought I was just a big drama queen.
Three minute body quakes don’t equate inside the books they call records. Some of the most notable include American man Charles Osborne who went nonstop for 68 years.
In 2007, a teenager from Florida hiccuped 50 times a minute for more than five weeks. It was later learned her situation may have been caused by Tourette syndrome.
If an abrupt rush of air rushes into your lungs why aren’t we burping? Or are they one in the same? Trust me when I say I can’t say the entire alphabet while hiccupping.
Those described as burping experts claim the irritating sounds come from two completely different areas of the body. The actions began when animals were created, but didn’t evolve into the realms of importance until kids started doing it in public.
This could be the reason why dogs aren't quick to declare victory on the things they do. Doctor's would be forced to invent brand new eighteen letter long words and theories.
A burp is nothing but air escaping from the stomach. When you eat or drink, you don't just swallow food or liquids. You also swallow air.
The medical term for a burp or belch is "Eructation."
Dictionaries describe eructation as the voiding or getting rid of gas or of a small quantity of acid fluid from the stomach through the mouth.
Wait! Mother Nature does this all the time! We see giant curved tubes leaping from the ground along side roads and highways. Guess this means burping is cool again!
You think it’s a brilliantly fun way to make it through a boring day until giant green pet bird tries to get in on the action. Ernie loves to dance, sing and burp. The second you open a bottle of soda his lower tones squelch out a king sized sound barrier breaker. Took him to the bird doctor and the man in white calmly said, “Birds mimic their humans. Now give me one twenty nine ninety nine.”
Too much air! If it’s headed to the stomach you’re going to burp. If the lungs get too much too quickly expect gobs and gobs of instantly shaped body created shock treatments.
Outside of midsummer laughter and fun inside the car or somewhere in the backyard hiccups and burps serve no purpose. It’s pretty much air escaping the inner boundaries. It is said there are poetry circles in some parts of the country that feature burp-kus…a style of reading in front of many while delivering huge amounts of soda generated rumbles that obviously came from the tummy.
Now about that other sound humans tend to make. Stop! We’ll save that one for a cold rainy day when we have time to quickly move away!
arroecollins@clearchannel.com
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